I kind of hoped there wouldn’t be a sequel to my ‘Scary Movie’. But it seems to be turning into a series. I think I might have a word with the producers or the Big Boss Man and have it pulled off the air for scaring small children! I much prefer a Walt Disney flick or at least something with a PG certificate. Horror movies are sooooo over-rated!
So… Lets kick off with ‘FRIDAY 13TH’:
Out with the Estonians. They take me to their fave haunt – where they’re ‘in’ with the barmen.
Its pretty deserted, as all the Italians still seem to be ’a casa’ or ’al mare’ and the Uni crowd havent made it back into town yet. K and I decide to go T-total, so that makes two out of four of us level headed and on stand-by alert for suspicious male intruders…
Its so refreshing that Estonian and British humour harmonize – we laugh our little heads off, I feel drunk on my Sprite (cheap date!!)
Next stop: Eden. Off we go… I’m making H laugh doing a silly walk down the street and we’re all high as kites. But… It seems our harmless humour is too BIG for this town and doesn’t go un-noticed. Some Arab looking guys are coming towards us from the other direction. They try to join in on the joke. Why cant they just f-ing leave us in peace! We storm off and dont even bat an eye-lid. Then the girls lead me down this deserted looking street. I’m like ‘Is this safe guys?’ (I hate to be grandmaand have never once considered saying this in all my 20 years in London taaaaan but… now…well… my instincts appear to be right!) Girls are like: ‘Course its safe, don’t worry.’ I’m not so sure… give a quick glance behind and… as I suspected, the Arab guys are on our tail following us. There is literally no-one else on this narrow, dark, cobbled street. ‘Oh god, they’re behind us’ I whisper. We pick up pace and so do they! One of them starts shouting ’Blondie, blondie’…’Oi’. We don’t look round, just keep marching. But he starts to run up behind us. ’What shall we do?’ I say, getting out my pepper spray. ’Just walk’ The girls command. In the meantime he’s caught us up and is like a starving mangy dog barking these perverse things right in my face. He places himself right in front of me and is like ‘Blondie, where you from, blondie’… We don’t talk. He gets too close for comfort. Thank god, I spot two blokes up ahead. I swerve to the right, and some primal instinct gives me the idea to shout ‘Hey, how are you, what bar are we going to?’ to them up ahead. My eyes are popping out of my head pleading in desperation. Thank god twice over - the guy brilliantly intuites my desperate, yet subtle cry for help and they shout back ‘Hey, we’re fine. And you? Where shall we go tonight?’… The two vermin scarper. RATS. We stop next to our two Angelic saviours and I literally want to crumble into their arms for safety. The one that acted out the little impro-scene with me is rather dashing. I thank him profusely and he says ‘think nothing of it’ and just warns us to be careful etc…
So I saved the day. And my girls are dead proud of me. But I don’t feel much like a superwoman. More like - at the end of my tether. Worn out from running. Worn out from fear. Worn out of living in a police drama/ horror/ thriller/ on the edge of your seat movie!!!!!
To be continued…
Filed under: Freaks & Creeps, Scary Movie | Tagged: Scary Movie II
