This morning me = sleepy baby panda
Aimed to go to first class, I really did. But… well… didn’t!
The walk up the hill was colourful. Mostly greens and yellows. I made sure I was very ‘present’ and it turned into a very interesting game.
Everyday I pass a lady on the stairs that asks for spare change. I don’t like to label her a beggar-woman because she could be anyone for all I know. She could have a whole other secret life – maybe she’s a detective in disguise, or a fortune teller making some extra cash. Who knows? Anyway, she isn’t persistent, just sits there and smiles holding out her cup. It started off as an occasional friendly gesture; I would give her 20 cents, she’d say thanks. But it became less frequent of late, and yesterday I noticed myself storming past with my mardy face on and then regretting it for the rest of the hike. But you see its not as if I can stop mid-hill, Its so steep that if you put on the breaks or even slow down a wee bit you get vertigo and might well topple back down again (is there a nursery rhyme about that ‘Jack & Jill’?) and you need to keep up the steady momentum to drive yourself up the hill for 25 mins. I also walk skipping out every other step to get a good leg stretch! hahaha I am starting to sound like a trainspotter - but ‘ci può sta’ after the rest of my black comedy life!! So today in my colourful green and yellow mood I decided to get my change out waaaaayyyy before I got to Madam, and as I approached her little spot I was remarkably glad to find her there (you see sometimes she takes the day off). On receiving my little gesture of change she looked up at me and beamed the biggest smile. It really did feel like such a fun game – if you know what I mean :-S Her smile was infectious and I felt my face crack into one too and for the rest of the flight of stairs I couldn’t wipe it off. The market men who usually see me strut by as ‘The Terminator’ must have thought I was on drugs! But I didnt care. I hope she bought herself a strawberry and cream lollipop (my fave) with the 20 cents, although they may cost 30 cents, so I might have to give her 10 tomorrow to top-her-up.
Next stop: coffee in the sun with the Estonians. We laughed our silly heads off with our 24 hour gossip update, they’re also great as they fill me in on what I missed in class and it sounds much more interesting than actually attending class!! We went on to have a serious chat about stalker man… They are giving me their pepper spray and wont let me walk home alone. I know it sounds dramatic ‘drama drama dram’ but once you’ve said NO to someone for the 50thtime and they still wont accept, it makes you wonder what’s going on in that little head of theirs (Correction: I really DO NOT want to know!) … Even with the girls I felt really nervy around Uni, it was/is a bit like being in a horror movie, my senses have all sharpened 10 fold, I look over my shoulder a lot more than usual and I almost gave some poor bloke a heart-attack as I jumped out of my skin bumping into him around the corner! It isnt a nice feeling.
So, I have a reallllllllyyy nice tutor in one of my classes. I decided to talk. At first, I skirted around the subject ‘If you’ve got a problem etc… who can I go to’… Anyway, it all came out in the end (as it always seems to do!).
I think the fact that I’m English and the same age as a certain English girl who was murdered in the same Uni, everyone is on super-alert. So, he took me really seriously and called a friend of a friend in the police. I don’twant to jump the gun, so I might just speak to them to warn them that this guy is giving me grief, but leave it at that. He could get nasty if he finds out Ive gone to such drastic measures, but its best to act first. Its best not to take the risk. I walk everywhere alone and will have to stop doing so…. WHICH PISSES me off. I never imagined becoming a feminist but this country really drives you to extremity! Its not fair though, that I should have to walk around with my shoulders up to my ears and my heart racing, considering wearing a sack and hijab about town and not able to walk home alone in the DAY let alone at night! I am considering a chastity belt but I’msure they would just take me to the blacksmith! Which is not right either. Why should I, a young freshiehave to deny my sex! Why should I have to wear a hood to cover up my blonde hair? Why should I have to stop wearing make-up (which I am finding an amazing detox for me skin- but that’s beside the point)? Why do I have to wear trainers to walk everywhere to be ready-set-goto peg it, which I do on the way home every night I go out and Im not sure is doing my dodgy knee any good - me pounding at 50 mph down very steep cobbled roads!!! Why should I be afraid? Why should I have to arm myself? Oooo I have been given a really pretty pen today, which I as it happens used as protection on the way home: it was from some Armenian girls that I’d never met before but they were giving goodbye gifts to my Estonian girls and they gave me one too!! How sweet! So my pen is a lucky pen, decorated in grapes to bring good fortune, grano (cereal or wheat) from Armenia and Egypt to bring good luck (I cant remember in what but I like to think Work), and a rose to bring luck in love (please don’tsend me any more weird men!), and its tied together around the end of the pen with rope which will bring me good health. And the pen itself will bring me good luck in writing.
Ooo I forgot to say Ive decided to go back to England. Its been brewing for a while but work opportunities have come up over there 
I feel this huge sense of relief at having made the decision.
I don’t regret coming here though: Ive done so many wonderful things. It was the right path to take at the time and Im not turning around or reversing, I’m just taking the next right path… The yellow brick road!
